Even in the most intellectual settings, their eyes chase you everywhere.
They barge into an egotistical conversation that is dominated by their lust and hunting instincts, trying to impress you and hoping to convert you into a groupie! And the moment your tongue starts voicing your opinions in an attempt to balance the logic of such conversation, they resist dealing with you as an equal. Not to spoil the perpetual image they hold of women as either bimbos or feminists, they stir the conversation into that safe area that every woman must enjoy- the killing smile and hypnotizing eyes.
Instead of getting mentally paralyzed on our appearances, why can’t they look at our intellect as genderless entity, appreciating the ideas and projects we bring to the table?
I seriously think that instead of getting stuck on the impossible mission of democratizing Arab governments, we ought to to start with democratizing Arab men.
For their chauvinistic mentalities and outdated beliefs and attitudes towards women need not be completely eroded starting over with a clean fresh slate.
No free thinker can be tied down by prejudices.
No human being has the right to undermine a fellow human being on the basis of gender.
The chauvinistic politics that jail women in the frame of shame, subjugating us to different kinds of discrimination need to change.
In the so-called modern world, where men are forced to deal with women on daily basis, women remain the victims of the men’s chauvinistic remarks, passes and looks. Arab men’s decayed mentality needs a serious make over.
They need to understand that we are here to resist; we are here to share life with them, emphasizing sharing.
TheMasterMind
i think the above article handles the topic in a one-sided way. if the goal is to achieve a better state, then this is not the way to go about it. instead both sides should present there arguments and then we should try to generate a win-win situation by choosing whatever best benefits our community. just accusing men or women of something doesn't help anyone.May 8th, 2009 @ 1:18 am
Mimi
I just remember a funny story. One time i was listening to a show on the radio where they ask people a random question to demonstrate different opinions. one time they asked "Do you think that men are afraid of smart woment". one man asnwered an answer that i could not believe! something made me laugh every time i remember this inciddent. he said "women can never be smarter than men because alrijaloo qawamoon 3ala alnisaa, thus i can never be afraid of a woman becuase i know it is impossible for her to be smarter than me" no more comment!May 10th, 2009 @ 11:52 am
MasterMind
Again, blindly accusing men of something will not make them stop. If we want this state to change, we should start proposing solutions; rather than confirming that the problem exists. Also, showing us that there is a problem by giving us an example does not prove that there is a problem. just because there is an Arab man that has this misconception, it does not mean that all Arab men have this problem.May 21st, 2009 @ 3:03 pm
Saleh
MasterMind.. mhm where did you get the Win-Win situation thing from :p This reminded me of the whats happening in kuwait right now.. lines should be drawn on what can and cannot happen. what kills us is that we ignore all the opposite arguments and even thought some of them might be silly, given the context or the person saying it.. but this doesn't mean that there is a problem and VALID SOLUTIONS that we should look at.. "HONESTLY.." i think its our responsibility as young men to change the current perception ..May 22nd, 2009 @ 2:16 am
Abdu
Arab men? all of them?May 23rd, 2009 @ 5:04 pm
Amal Almalki
Abdu: Never meant to generalize! However, a good percentage of men do fall into that category! Don’t you agree?May 23rd, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
Rashid
Dr. Amal, it is a shame that this article comes from yourself; a well educated person with a PhD. Even in your reply to Abdu, you say it is not generalization but you say a good percentage of men fall into this category! Is your findings based on research or studies or just your perceptions? Or even perceptions of a "percentage" of ladies? I think our biggest problem in generalizations and stereotyping without facts. I know you might say that you have lived for a long time abroad and "observed" a difference between men here and there. Did you study the sexual harassment cases in the west and compared them to arab world? I don't think you did. Oh, by the way, no matter what you think, published psychological research (by the WESTERN world) showed that in a relationship, consciously or unconsciously, leaving ethics and values aside, a man will most likely seek sex with a woman where a woman will most likely seek marriage. I have seen that in a good book but will have to search for the exact reference.June 5th, 2009 @ 10:56 pm
Amal Almalki
I’m trying to create a space in which we all can voice our views (which I do here) and in the process learn to respect the opposing voices! I don’t feel a need to convert people’s beliefs or enforce my opinions in any way as I don’t actually think it is healthy if we all agreed on one thing. Rashid, I welcome your comment.June 6th, 2009 @ 12:03 am
Rashid
Thanks Dr. Amal. I appreciate your intellect and views and that's one reason that makes me participate. I have no issues at all with expressing different arguments and views but my point is that it would be very healthy and useful if we make clear distinction between our own views and making generalizations and even recommendations and making them sounds like facts, especially that you appear to be publishing in many arenas and many people will read your “views”. Your article sounded like more than expressing opinion, at least to me. I do not think I need to highlight that the west are the ones who used women as a sexual object in many of their advertisement, even in products that has nothing to do with sex! I do not need to list here how women are treated in the west in all settings even in the most modernized countries. I think there is plenty of information on this available. My issue is accusing our own people and forgetting others who have even worse issues. Arab women are our sisters, mothers, daughters, teachers, and colleagues and we care about them and respect them as individuals. Thank you.June 6th, 2009 @ 1:46 pm
Millie
As a western woman living in an Arab country I read this with interest. I do not know if Arab men are more demeaning to women. From my own personal experience I think western men are aware that they should not treat women as sexual objects so perhaps this influences their outward behaviour and even their attitude. In addition I think we have to consider role models and society. If Arab men do not know any educated women who are their intellectual equal and have little interaction with women outside their family then their understanding of women will be stunted. It is, I think, mistaken to accuse Arab men, but rather you should accuse the educational and societal systems of failures.June 7th, 2009 @ 11:36 am
Lulwa . A
Please, go and read about the Islamic Law ,you will find many things amaze you ,you will find how this Law respect the Women alot alot more than any traditional Rulse..July 12th, 2009 @ 12:25 am
TheMasterMind
I think that we can make a good ending statement about this argument. Reducing women to sexual objects is wrong; no logical unbiased person would disagree with that. they are humans and all humans consist of body and MIND; thus it is very clear that there is much much more to women. the question that remains is whether this problem exists among Arab men or not. I personally think it does not exist, but when i think about it, the existence of the problem does not matter because we have and we agree on the solution. So, if the problem exists then there exists a solution, if there does not exist a problem then we are all Happy.September 22nd, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
tareq
I don't know where to start, but today i have read alot of posts on different blogs about this very issue "arab men/sexisim". I am an arab male and i have lived all life in the arab world and went to school in the states and i am also well traveled. I also meet alot of international people. I have been involved in this argument too many times but I just wanna list a bunch of things that do exist in our world: 1- sexisim exists in all cultures, but it also has a history in arab tribes before islam, and unfortunalty after islam,which means islam changed things to the better but i think some things are still deeply rooted. 2- Western media of this century objectifies /sexifies women the most, and when western medai is directly targeted to the arab world then that has its effects. What I mean by targeted directly is: arab channels play up to date mainstream american media from commercial hip-hop booty bouncing, to date my mom type reality shows, not to mention the blonde on everything GOOD. so westerners: your media is making the stereotype, and it being intense in the arab world which increases it amongst arabs. 3- most feminist arguments you hear are based on western culture femenism, which usually stereotypes islam. It's hard to meet an arab girl who uses islamic rules to protect herslef from sexisim. insead they forget the wife of the prophet muhammad pbuh was a buisness women, and they wait for a westwern organization led by a girl abused by her father as a child to come tell her what to do. islam and other monoathiest relegions are against sexisim if you look at the basics and not get weak radical sources, so use that instead of relying on people who are un-aware of your culture. 4-arab men do get flirtatious alot of time, I think its a cultural thing, but I think the new generation are not that good at doing that and remaining polite, you can think of the media and the industry influencing that too...I mean when girls wanna get their victoria secret thongs, the boys now are not gonna talk about the eyes anymore!!! So the standards have changed too. 5-As for comparing Arab men to western men. and i am not saying the rest of men , because up unitl now every arab woman who argued this sexisim issue only compared to the west not the rest of the world, which makes it hard to deal with because the opressor is involved!!! But remember while men in western culture don't hit on you constantly on the street, they do appraoch you at the bar with the sweetest way, and act polite and gentle, but in the morning YOU ARE DONE TO THEM. So sex being a possibility makes the encounter different. Arab men on the street comment on your sexy body in a creepy way knowing you are just a beutiful girl passing by and thats it. Western men when make you very comfortable with them and then they get what they want and throw you...so they are just smarter...but that sex game now is vailable by through media her ein the arba world, so lately at the bars in Amman jordan say, the boys started being more gentle rather than abnoxious, and the result is more depressed girls, less comments that mae your day on the street and more guys who just tricked you! 6-my last point is single moms, divorced women rights, family values, media wars on muslim/arab world, sexual frustration resulting form TV content being so different than society........ IF YOU WANNA SOLVE YOUR PEOPLE'S ISSUE IT HAS TO BE AN EFFORT FORM INSIDE...COPARINF TO OTHER CULTURES NEVER WORKS...SPECIALLY THE WEST BECAUSE IT BECAUSE CLECH' IN MY COLLEGE DAYS I HAD ALOT OF WESTERN FEMALE FRIENDS AND REALLY THE STORIES I HEARD MAKE ME THINK MEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT INDS OF SEXISIM IN OUR CULTURES, BUT I THIN THE ARAB MAN ONE SHOWS THE MOST BECAUSE ITS ONLY ON THE SURFACE+ WESTERN MEDIA .... I TRIED MY BEST NOT BEING A CONSPIRACY THEORIST BUT REALLY TO BE PERONOID OVER YOUR SISTER BEING VERSION OR NOT IS BETTER THAN RAPPING HER WHEN SHE IS YOUNG!!!1 SALAMOctober 18th, 2009 @ 4:33 pm
kb1cqx
Id rather be locked in a home with one man in an Arab country, then be played like a golf course in the west. LMAO :)November 10th, 2009 @ 7:49 pm
Amal Almalki
Interesting! I would say that any woman wouldn't want to be "locked up" or "played" by any man. Women shouldn't play the role of the "victim" either way!November 10th, 2009 @ 9:07 pm
Ahmed sewilam
the name of God the Merciful The common sense of the concept of the Islamic religion, provides great opportunity for each of the individual community women and men in understanding their joint and equal in life Larry and I solve the problem of Arab men are not at the Western World But all of the Arab men and the Western world men and women need to return to the religion of Islam to get the correct understanding of masculinity and femininity The man on the strength of women, but women are raising men and have many posts to effectively contribute to the prosperity of the Islamic civilization from the beginning of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon Him Adults and both were followed by rulers from the people with opinions good and wisdom Can not find the role of women in religion and higher status in the community building, but all ungrateful, but the solution is not in the West, but in our Islamic religion if we stick with him to follow to complete the chosen leader of mankind, Prophet Muhammad peace be upon HimDecember 29th, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
Basma
This is quite interesting, and the responses even more interesting being quite passionate and defensive rather than try to really give and take, to listen, to think, to constructively engage. Why did this turn into a comparison with the west, with the same, old, pointless rhetoric about how the west was the first to objectify and exploit women? Did the author here mention, imply or refer to the west? She spoke about the ARAB MAN. In compariosn to nothing other than a standard of justice and morality that one instinctively knows. For those of you how are under the impression that Islam have saved women and quickly attack with a reference to sharia, let's really talk about sharia which I've studied beyond the quick quotations we hide behind in public. This is not a discussion about Islam and the ideal that was suppose to be applied, putting aside various legal interpretations of the textual sources. Instead, this is about human behavior, culture and choices. The history of this region is filled with agonizing encounters with women well before the west starts commodifying her. Did you forget slavery? This is not an attack on Islam, this is not a comparison between east and west, this is not a generalization about every single Arab man who exists on planet earth (we all know of those who don't conform to this descriptions), but this is a characteristic of social problem that must be addressed. A feature of a failed system, and in my view, among the reasons why Muslim societies are struggling to develop and take their rightful seats among nations; the oppressive, patriarichal construct that confines half of its population or trivialize them has all this human potenial wasted- even if it is glossed over with defensive responsive such as they work and study as they want and can hold any office they can think of. Even the president if there were a genuine and representative political atmosphere in the region? This same failed social model is echoed in the wicked political atmosphere that denies the human basic rights of involvement and of taking ownership of his/her societies problems. Women in my view in the Arab world are both a victim and a perpetuator of this ongoing state, because she succumbs to the invisible (and visible) hand that tries sometimes to hold her back- and of course, there are the many exceptions to that too.April 13th, 2010 @ 9:59 pm
Amal Almalki
Lovely Basma! The problem is there is a long tradition of commodification of women; aren’t they objects of seduction and need to be fully covered, muted, with downcast eyes so men wouldn’t sin!!! Weren’t women assigned to the ‘private space’ for so long-- away from the public space? And now that women share the public space with men, men are so confused on how to treat women!! Do they deal with women who dared to venture in public through a traditional mentality that perceive these women as “loose”? Or would they adopt a different mentality that would make them “look” more civilized? Still, both cases lack genuine respect!April 13th, 2010 @ 11:19 pm
Basma
Excellent points Dr. Amal. I agree with you that this is a symptom of a society in transition- and a very rapid transition too whose outcome is uncertain though with positive indicators. However, I can't help but think of other Arab countries, who had a history of being more liberal than the Gulf, but today their female citizens are witnessing deteriorations in their status due to such outlooks and rationale. What then was happening for almost a century of reforms? Nothing was digested? I'm not down playing socioeconomic reasons here, and fully aware of the political environment that creates welcoming environment for religious extremists' views who capitalizes on people's economic and political grievances to solicit support for their radical views- but does all of that mean that Woman will remain forever confined to the role of the hostage upon whom all national, political, ideological, religious and moral fights are carried? I'm expanding the thought beyond the Gulf just to help me think of these questions, though I'm not sure I have answers yet. I appreciate the discourses you are allowing through this blog by the way. I should have mentioned that earlier, but I got too excited :)April 20th, 2010 @ 8:43 am
Lubna
Dear Amal, I cannot agree more, but I would like to shift a bit of the blaming to the women themselves. Many Arab women 'willingly' subject themselves to this inequality and overly-sexualized view of their role in the public sphere. By 'willingly' I mean little or no attempts from their behalf to resist the cycle of submission that exists in many Arab households or the misconceptions about their credibility and professionalism. Many of these women feed the system itself by perpetuating these images as they cannot imagine any alternatives where a man is not the master. Some would argue that this is the 'Arab culture' and we are required by virtue of history to embrace it, or 'there is nothing that can be done' by these poor helpless women..etc. I completely reject this submissive passive reading of social change and I believe it is the responsibility of the weak as much as it is of the strong to shake off the shackles of prejudice and injustices. Martin Luther King didn't wait for the White Americans to give him and his community equal rights. He defended his cause through logic and steadfast determination. Unfortunately, much of this is lacking in the Arab woman's psyche. Only through education, where a woman can find her inner voice, change can be achievable. So I humbly suggest that girls should consider spending some time at the libraries...at least half the time they spend at Landmark or Villagio :)).October 31st, 2011 @ 11:11 pm